Graceful Character (When God Says No)

Have you ever had that wonderful experience of God saying No to your prayers? The proverbial door being closed or sometimes even slammed in your face when you had your heart set on going through? After offering to serve in the worship team at church and being rejected, a wise preacher told me, (while I was tearing my heart out trying to understand why) that God is more interested in my character than what I think I can do for Him. It changed my whole perspective on the situation.

I was 19 then and that lesson has helped through several other times when the Lord has asked me to set some really strong boundaries in my life or asked me to lay down certain activities I thought I was doing for Him. I’ve come to love Romans 5:3-4 that says we can rejoice and be happy when we run into problems and trials because we know they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character and character strengthens our hope of salvation (NLT version).

But why is character so important after all? Why is it more important than being happy, than fulfilling our dreams or by doing things that make us feel good? I thought Christ came to set us free so why do we still have to give things up or stop doing things we like – even Godly things like serving in church? It doesn’t make sense.

I think it has something to do with the verses that precede those wonderful ones in Romans 5. Here is verse 2:

 Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege (Grace) where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. (NLT)

 

I believe that God has granted us an incredible privilege to live by faith, to stand under grace. I also believe that to live by grace successfully takes strength of character.

Let me explain:

The are two extremes of behaviour that Christians can fall into (or deliberately walk in) as a response to the Grace- legalism or lethargy. I have found myself wandering into each of these pathways in the last few years. Legalism is fuelled essentially by fear. It's the sin of the Pharisee who was so passionate and determined to do the right thing that they were terrified of ever doing the wrong thing. Therefore anything that even closely resembled the wrong thing or was once used by someone who once did the wrong thing... (you get the idea) was banned from their lives. One example of this Paul admonishes in 1 Corinthians 2:9-11 when the Christians began to disassociate themselves from non-Christians for being sexually immoral.

Legalism is a massive issue that takes many forms but the bottom line is that it's a trap that prevents us from living under grace and steals the joy that comes with Grace!

The other extreme is to abuse God's grace and use it as Paul describes later in the chapter, as an excuse for unrighteousness (i.e. to do anything we like regardless of whether it is right or wrong). I liken this kind of behaviour to living in the house of a rich person. Imagine you were in a foreign country and your passport and money had been stolen. With no where to sleep or turn to, a generous rich family allows you to stay with them and gives you free access to all areas of their house -  the bedroom, the kitchen the media room. There is a maid who will clean up your mess and a valet to dress you with clothes from the rich family's wardrobe. Paradise! 

Abusing God's grace is like going out from that house, getting all muddy and then walking that mud through the house with the excuse that the maid will clean it up so it doesn't matter. And the valet will clean my clothes so I don't need to mind about getting dirty. Yes, God will clean up your messes and cover you with his righteousness over and over again but what does that say about you and your character? God grace and His character don't change so He will always love you, forgive you when you say sorry and give you another chance. He can't seem to help himself He just loves us that much! But what does that say about YOUR character? It says your self-centred, undisciplined, disrespectful, unloving, unkind... is that really who we want to be?

You see, God longs to give us freedom but he knows that if we are to handle that freedom and still be a loving, kind, righteous person who will love God and others as themselves and who will lead others to Him we need strength of character.

So how do we get strength of character so that we can enjoy this freedom of living under grace while still remaining attractive to God, ourselves and others? Back to Romans 5 again: problems and trials. Like facing rejection and loss and yet still loving the Lord and trusting Him with your life, believing He will work it out for good. (Romans 8:28). Like accepting with Joy the closed door in front of you, trusting it is for the best.

The younger we are in our faith, the stronger the boundaries seem to be. Like a good parent, He trusts us more as more as we grow. He may say No to some of our prayers or ask us to give something up for a while even though it is something you love. Even if it is something good and worthwhile.

Why?

Because He is working on our character.

Why?

So that we can walk in freedom, stand in Grace and yet still remain attractive. So that we can experience the joy of our salvation and not live in fear. So that when we get the chance to live our dreams, we won't bring shame or disgrace to God but will be a shining star, showing others the way to Jesus.

 

My Little Flower

I am truly terrible at gardening. What ever the opposite of green fingers are - I've got them. Some friends just bought us a flower basket and my first thought was to panic and wonder how long it will take me to kill them. But I was told all I need to do is sit them outside and they'll look after themselves - thank goodness! That is my kind of flower basket!

Today I've been asking the Lord what to do for my darling youngest daughter who has not settled into nursery at all. In fact, it got so bad last week that I have decided to pull her out. I couldn't find a single other preschool available in the area so this morning I spent some time talking to God about it.

I asked the Lord to show me what the Bible has to say about bringing up children. I had just been reading in Song of Soloman so was immediately drawn towards the verses that read :

"My mother's sons were angry with me
They asked me to be the keeper of their vineyards
But my own vineyard I have not kept."

Then I took a walk and found some purple crocuses growing by the side of the road and remembered a Word someone once had for my daughter that she was like a flower and like a flower, she would bring joy into people's lives just by being there.

My little girl is like a flower. She requires much love and tender care and during this time of change and upheaval, she needs all the extra care and attention I can spare. If I want to write books that help parents bring their children closer to God, I can't neglect my own precious vineyard/garden.

But like I said, I'm not very good at gardening! I think I've hoped that my children would be able to stand all the change and thrive in their new environment with relative ease - my older child certainly has! She must be more like an oak tree! But my little flower is younger and just wants to be home with mummy. There's nothing wrong at all with the nurseries and preschools she's tried and every other kid there seems to thrive. But my little flower is not quite strong enough yet to withstand the harsher weather and just needs to stay close to her Mummy. I think this is where she will grow stronger - and when the day comes for her to send her off to school, I won't have any regrets.

So my prayer is that of the Shalumite woman in Song of Soloman 1:7 :

"Tell me, O you whom I love,
Where you feed your flock,
Where you make it rest at noon."

May the Great Gardener teach me how to look after my flower so it will bloom in all it's radiant beauty and grow strong, with deep roots, to survive the harsh weather in years to come. Will the Great Shepherd teach me how to tend to my kid like He has been doing so faithfully for so long.

And immediately I have my answer!

^"8 If you do not know, O fairest among women,
Follow in the footsteps of the flock,
And feed your little goats
Beside the shepherds’ tents."

As my daughter desires to be close to me, so I must remain close to the Shepherd. As I try to teach her, I must remain close to the teacher. As I try to nurture her, I must remain close to the Great Gardener. As I try to lead her to Jesus, I too must follow in the footsteps of the flock.

Whatever it is I am called to do in this life, if I stay close to Him I'll stay under his shadow. The safest place to be.

Look Up and Follow The Star

A Maori chief once described to me the way pacific mariners hundreds of years ago would remember the location of a particular island by identifying a star that hung in space above that island. The star that orbited perfectly with the earth's rotation in that exact spot would be given the name of the island. Then, whenever they wanted to sail to that island again, they would locate that's island's geo-stationary star and sail toward it until it was directly above their heads. Then ta-da! They were at the island again! Cool, huh? 
 
On the day Jesus was born, the light of a certain star reached the sight of earth's leading astronomers - wise men from the East. We can assume that it hung directly over the town of Bethlehem in Judea which is how the magi found Jesus - by travelling towards the star looking up and up and up until the star was directly above them and then they were at their destination. Just like the pacific mariners would do many years later. Right? Well almost.
 
At some point they stopped looking up. Perhaps their necks were aching as the angle of looking up increased! Matthew 2:10 suggests they actually lost sight of it for a while. Whatever the reason, they began to look around instead of looking up and what they saw when they looked around was a palace.
 
Fast forward to present day and imagine you are a skilfully crafted creation of God, created in Christ Jesus for GOOD works - GOOD works that have been prepared for you by Father God. He prepared them for you to walk in them follow them through as your life's journey (That's Ephesians 2:10 in case you didn't recognise it). I don't know about you but I have had moments when the realisation of this has overwhelmed me.
 
Over a year ago, I knew a change was coming in my life and I felt utterly and completely unequipped, unprepared and inadequate. That was the word: inadequate. I knew that this realisation should make me more reliant on God but I couldn't seem to stop looking down - right down, within myself. If I had to pinpoint it exactly it was right inside my gut - I looked inside my gut and my heart and instead of seeing any skilled craftsmanship I just saw that I didn't have what it took to walk in the good works Father God had prepared for me. It was not a fun position to be in and maybe you have been there too?
 
In that moment, the Holy Spirit performed something utterly supernatural. So supernatural it terrified me until I decided to trust Him - He began to lift up my head. I felt my head being slowly, gently, tilted up - it turned from looking so far within myself I thought I would turn inside out to looking so directly up above me that I thought my head would fall off behind me and go bouncing along the floor. I never knew a head could be tilted so far back! (In fact, if you try it now, there comes a point where your head can actually rest in that upright position but you have to go all the way back!)
 
I began to worship. With all my heart and soul I began to sing out to Him - I should mention at this point I was at a women's conference with a few thousand other women all being led in worship by a very gifted worship leader but that is by the by. I discovered in the position of looking up, there was nothing between me and Him. I couldn't see any of the 3,000 other women in the room and I couldn't see me - all I knew was I was looking towards Him, our God in heaven, Jesus the Light of the World (John 8:12). And nothing was separating me from Him.
 
The psalmist lifts up his eyes to the hills to look for his help from God instead of looking at his own fear and despair or the evil around him (121:1). Isaiah tells us to lift our eyes to heaven which is eternal and see God because everything else down here will one day pass away (40:26). When Nebuchadnezzar lifted his eyes he said his understanding returned to him and he praised Him who is Most High and eternal. (Daniel 4:34)
 
So I was in good company! And the experience was so memorable that whenever I find myself head in hands, focusing on me and my weaknesses I remember to look up to Him and just keep walking.
 
So if we are looking up towards Jesus and still walking we will be making our decisions based on where He is leading instead of the distractions we see around ourselves. And now we come to the point of the wise men.
 
They were so close to the end of the journey and there was this huge palace in view and they knew they were looking for a king so they decided to take their eyes off the light above and instead follow their natural eyes. And what was the result? Every baby in Bethlehem since the day the star first appeared (which was probably Jesus’ birth day) lost their life shortly after that. To the natural eye it seemed like an obvious assumption to make but ultimately, they had stopped following the light.
 
So I'm writing this to myself today. I've been following the Light of the World (John 8:12), trying not to focus on my shortcomings but instead clinging onto His holiness, His enormous faith, His power and His love for me and you. And I've been walking by faith, seemingly in the dark for long enough that the tempting thing would be to stop and look around and start making assumptions about where God is leading me next. That's what the magi did and it didn't work out too well.
 
So I shall simply keep putting one foot in front of the other while I look up! I shall try very hard NOT to make any assumptions based on my natural circumstances, no matter how tempting it may be and keep my eyes on Him. Can I give you permission to remind me to look up and can I encourage you to do the same? Then we can once again share of God's faithfulness when we finally reach the next destination along our journey.
 
Look up and follow The Light of the World!

Your Home Church is Always Home - a shout out to RCF

Sometime between the age of 19 and 21 I decided I must have left home.

I still spent my holidays from University in my parents' house, sleeping in the 'my' room surrounded by the trinkets I'd collected as a teenager but in my head I thought I was grown up now and must have at some point 'left home'. It came as quite a shock to my Mum when I mentioned it once!

I remember especially throwing myself into the church I was attending at university which I thought should be my new home church but actually, I was always just a student who everyone knew was only there term time and would leave once the three or four years were up.

Then I met and got engaged to the wonderful, charming and gorgeous Johnny Gilchrist and I was totally blown away by the way my 'childhood' church of Rugby Christian Fellowship embraced him and me back into the family of RCF. When we went on mission they supported us as a church and many individuals within did as well. Of all the people who reply most to my emails and prayer requests, it's the members of my home church who watched me grow up from an enthusiastic child to a sulky teenager and a big headed young adult. These are the people who have been our biggest champions and prayer supporters through the years of living by faith with YWAM and then as missionaries (as we saw it) to our new-home town in New Zealand. (I have a sneaking suspicion some of the people in Tauranga will also join this group of Biggest and Best Long-Distance Supporters)

Every time we have visited home they have cared about our lives as if it were a part of their own.

I have come to believe that you can never really leave home if the people at home still love you.

This is just a shout out to all the young people searching to make their own way in the world - don't think you need to leave the people of your childhood behind you just because you are now grown up. It is the people who have watched you grow that will stick by you through good times and bad and care about you no matter what you do, because they know who you really are. If they still love you after that, they always will!

A Big, Big Thank you to the people and Pastor of RCF.

Leaving The Land of the Long White Cloud

It was exactly seven years ago today, the 8th October (our first wedding anniversary), that we stepped onto the plane to leave our home country for seven years.

Looking back, how do I measure the success of seven years?

Have we achieved the dreams that we thought the Lord had placed on our hearts here? Certainly not. If I wrote a 'to do' list seven years ago I'm sure only a few of the things would be ticked off. And the grief of knowing that has been hard.

A few months ago, a friend gave us three scriptures that I didn't understand at the time but now I think I understand what the Lord wants me to learn from them. One of them was:

Micah 6:6-10

With what shall I come before the Lord,
And bow myself before the High God?
Shall I come before Him with burnt offerings,
With calves a year old?
Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams,
Ten thousand rivers of oil?
Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression,
The fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?

He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?

 

 

If I could be allowed to paraphrase, it would go like this:

"What have I done here in New Zealand that will impress you, my Lord?

Is it the time and overtime I put in with my work for YWAM and the Church?

Will you be pleased with all the newsletters I wrote or the holiday programmes Johnny ran?

Did you like it when I let my relationships slide because I was busy doing Your work?

No. The Lord has shown me the yard-stick with which to measure my life.

Have I acted justly, done the right thing and stood up for the right thing? Kept my integrity and my promises to others?

Have I shown mercy to those who need it at every given opportunity? Have I forgiven instead of wanting revenge?

Have I walked humbly with my Lord through the ups and the downs, the hardships and the highlights? Have I stayed close to Him and given up the flashy impressive accomplishments in order to follow His gentle nudging and still small voice?"

 

 

We have not left behind us anything flashy that would seem like a mark of success to us or the rest of the world but that is not how God measures success. It's obedience, not sacrifice that God loves (1 Samuel 15:22-23 and Hebrews 10:5-7). What does that mean? I think it means this: sometimes we can spend (or dream of spending) huge efforts building something great for God that everyone will see and hear about. That is what Saul did when he made a sacrifice to God without waiting for the prophet nor listening to the word of God. He thought a big display of man-made glory would most reflect the glory of God and bring His pleasure. But he was wrong. All he did was try to prove himself - to protect his own authority because he was afraid everyone else would stop believing in him if he didn't. All he did was lose his authority and his children's inheritance.

 

God forbid I would put my trust in big flashy acts of sacrifice that impress others but destroy my closest relationships, especially with my children. No longer will I grieve for the dreams I once thought were the measure of a successful seven years in New Zealand. Instead I hope and pray that I have done, to the best of my ability, what the Lord requires of me.

 

What is it the Lord requires of us? To Act Justly, Love Mercy, Walk Humbly with your God.

 

That is the yardstick the Lord uses to measure a life.

How Skydiving is like Faith...

I have so many thoughts I hope they tumble out in order...!

So as I'm strapped to a total stranger in a tiny pink aeroplane climbing steadily to 15,000 over the biggest lake in New Zealand I'm thinking of all the spiritual points I can make out of this! Jumping out of an aeroplane strapped to someone else is like....

...like faith! Taking a leap of faith is scary but you're strapped to God so what could possibly go wrong? There's no room for human error or parachute malfunction when it's God you're strapped to. Point one. Off we go.

Jumping out of the aeroplane is like faith... but I really didn't do the jumping, I just willingly submitted to the person in charge, followed the instructions to 'Be the Banana' (head looking up, hips forward and knees bent) and the expert did all the hard work while I just enjoyed the ride. Faith in God is like that, we really don't do too much of the hard work when we submit and trust His expertise. Point two. Getting there.

The anticipation is the scary part, the actual falling is awesome. Exhilarating. Overwhelming and surreal. It's the anticipation of seemingly crazy acts of faith that is the part where it could all go wrong before it's even started. That was the part where I prayed like crazy, quoted scripture verses in my head like 'my peace I give to you ... a peace that passes all understanding - John 14:27' and sang 'Thank You Jesus' songs under my breath to keep the fears from reaching into my mind and taking hold. That's exactly like faith - prayer, worship and the Word are three powerful tools to keep the fear of any walk of faith at bay. They fill your mind with all the right stuff when all the wrong stuff is trying so desperately to get access and control over your thoughts. Point three. We're flying now!

And His peace came - the fall was so peaceful. I forgot I was strapped to anyone and felt like I was flying through the air on my own - till the bloke pulled the parachute, that is! The view was spectacular. The ground was so far away I felt like I could reach out and touch it. Does that make sense?

Once I was falling, the fear was completely gone. It wasn't scary, it was cool. Jesus describes the enemy as a toothless lion - the roar is the fear that paralyses us when in reality, there is no bite. Get past the roar and you're laughing! Point four.

My fantastic, darling husband, bought me the skydive for my birthday. He knew I wanted to do it. He knew I'd regret it if I didn't do it. I had come home one day from a 3 hour walk and announced it was time for an 'exclamation mark' in the story of my life. But it was a bit scary. Even after He bought it for me I put off booking it. And even when I booked it I didn't tell anyone cuz thinking about it was a bit scary. I consoled myself with the fact that it was only going to be 9,000ft.

So when I turned up and they said for an extra $10 I could do 12,000 I loved my husband even more for saying yes before the fear in me could say no!

Then, at 5,000ft up the instructor tells me there's not enough fuel to let some of us off at 12,000 and some of us off at 15,000 so we are all going to go 15,000! Nearly double what I had expected. I've found that faith is a bit like that too - when you take one step in the direction God is calling you, you find so much more than you expected! Both the scary and the awesome. Point five.

There are some of you reading who have never done a skydive and never will. There are those who might one day, those who have done it once and those who do it over and over and over again. I reckon now I've done it once, I could do it again and again and again. Next time I expect not to be as fearful and to enjoy the ride even more. That's like faith too. One step is all it takes and then you take more and more and more. Point six: The fear shrinks and the enjoyment grows.

I hope I get more chances to test that theory.

The art of remembering

Have you ever felt like you have failed and let God down and you can't see how you can ever live the life He meant for you again?

I've often been praised or complimented on my unshakable faith in God but this year I learned that even my faith is shakeable and there was a time when I began to doubt whether God was really going to come through for us and make a way where there was no way.

Then I knew I'd really blown it. Even if He was going to come through for us He wouldn't now I'd doubted Him! I'd failed a test of faith and I saw myself relegated to a second-rate life of the ordinary and mundane without any of the extraordinary of God that I had come to expect.

What got me back on track?

The art of remembering.

It sounds so simple but I thought back to the many, many occasions I have seen God miraculously guide me, provide for me, love me and speak to my heart. How He changed my heart to prepare me for the most incredible husband. How he called me to live a life devoted to Him and the ways in which I've been used to be a part of others lives - many of these I'll never know but many I am privileged to know and see.

God began something in me and He never starts something that he doesn't finish. (Philippians 1:6). If God bothered to begin something, if He spent so much love and energy on me back then - surely He wasn't going to let that all go to waste and give up on me now? Definitely not.

The truth of 2 Timothy 2:13 really is incredible!
"If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself."

So think back - how much has God invested in you? How many times has he answered a prayer, spoke to you from the scriptures or encouraged you through a friend?

Remember. Make a list in your mind. And remember an awesome truth I recently learned form some very dear Christian mentors: "A Christian never fails a test; the just get tested again and again till they pass."